Inside part 1

I make it a point to circle around that block at least twice a week. It is about fifteen minutes added to my route, but it is something my heart drives me to do. I have convinced myself that I am doing it for a greater good, not just to remind myself of the pain in my life and emptiness that I want to fill. I could be punishing myself for some deep seeded guilt that needs a reminder to keep to the surface. Honestly though, I don’t think it is quite difficult at all, he is my dad and I need to feel that connection, and on a larger plain we are one no matter where we are. So I keep him in view, sometimes I spot him leaning or sitting against a building, surrounded by his things, sometimes I see him in the food line at the shelter. If I don’t happen to see him at all; I keep my disappointment in check and will enter this ritual once again to catch a glimpse of him on a different day.
I cannot cry any more or lie awake at night worried, angry or in despair, not that I am numb but in acceptance mode to keep myself sane and to cherish all that is good now and all that was good then. I keep my memories pure that way without tainting them with pain that demolishes me slowly.
Often my children are with me as I drive around the area, it is definitely out of the way, that is obvious. My story is that I like to check out the prices at the grocery store in the area, on the ad sign out front. They are still young enough to take what I say at face value, but I am sure there will come a day they will ask why I never stop to shop at that store.

A walk through life

If the simple power of love has never kissed your heart, how do ever know when it is broken?

If you have not fallen into a new peace and fulfillment, how do you know there was turmoil?

If you have never caressed your passion around your body, how do you know about your loneliness?

If you have never quieted your mind to a true being, how do you know there was ever uninterrupted noise?

If you never give, how do you ever appreciate what you have been given?

You smiled...

I have a secret to share
Not sure if I should dare
Whisper this in your ear
Come closer my dear

Try not to smile
Will be here awhile
Stand very still
We have time to kill

Suddenly life looks
Calm times it cooks
Silly little sighs
Magical soaring highs

I have a secret to share
But all know to care
I love you endearing
There is no fearing

The time has come

I knew there would come a time,

to show who was here.

The real, honest power of heart

The time to be exposed

Tinted memories of what is past

A new time to begin has been viewed

Here I am in the raw with wounds

The time has come endlessly

With all that is and was

This is what is built for the now

A time to shine and grow

The time for myself be true

Little Silly Things

I know its pretty silly,
the way you make me feel.
How your touch reaches my soul.
How I giggle at your wit and silly jokes.
The smile that takes over my face and stays all day.
Feelings like these are written in those crazy poems and songs.
Enjoying you makes me glow and I embrace the comfort.
Easing my heart and my mind knowing you are with me.
A pure passion of a reality as we feel one another.
My knees go weak, I get goose bumps,
my body tingles and you thrill me to no end

…all that silly stuff that loves songs are made of. Thanks for this!

Only Peace Left

This is the time that we walk in peace.
Daddy, take my hand and my heart.
The pain has gone; the hurt and anger are gone.
It is God’s time to wash it all away.

All regrets and plans not executed,
placed in a bag of tears.
We walk in shadows of our past,
And we will always walk together.

It is a new time to remember,
To remember all that made our hearts warm,
And the smiles that we cherish for life.
No sainthood for you, just our memory.

Good or bad, a new time has come.
Peace with you in a heaven just for you.
Always with us, always Daddy.
Hand in hand we walk in peace.

Little hand

Your little hand in mine stays with me forever.
Your smile and love glow within my soul
All that is done, living days played out in moments
Heaven holds the true story written with the soul.

Do not hold my faults as your own
I will not apologize for my mistakes.
But you do not own them
In trueness of all the spirit bonds us forever

Miss me, cherish me, and never forget me
I am with you for all time, do not set me aside
I am your strength and your weakness
Let me be within the eyes of all you love

“In the midst of Love, eternity makes the world stand still”